Jeff Says I Can't

Don't ever let 'em tell you that you can't

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Jeff says that one night of insomnia does not justify sleeping every normally waking hour for the rest of the week. Well, honey, I’ve gotta admit - at first I was doing it because I needed the sleep, but now I’m just doing it because it feels good.

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Jeff says that just because the lovers in the Korean soaps switch bodies - and hijinks ensue - doesn’t mean we should try it. Look, honey, don’t you like hijinks? Now go out in the rain and drink this medicinal flower wine!!

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This week, some of us are experiencing milder weather, and so it might be easy to forget that the icy chill of February is ever-threatening around us.  But, as Mary emphasizes with this icy post, we must remember the power of February - and something even more essential:

John Says I Can’t be mad that the internet is so slow during the snowstorm, since everyone is online. Dude, these people are stealing my bandwidth to stare infinitely at radar maps (HELLO! LOOK OUTSIDE!) while I am doing something way more important - watching episode after episode of VERONICA MARS. The movie is coming out soon and I have to be prepared! 

Let me repeat that.  THE VERONICA MARS MOVIE!!!  NEXT MONTH!!!  Let neither snow nor rain nor gloom of night keep us from our appointment with Veronica!  This has been a public service announcement.

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Jeff says it is really too late for me to start pursuing future olympic gold in ice dancing.  Come on, Jeff, how hard could it possibly be if they call it “twizzling”? 

(I can’t skate backwards yet, and I’m past 30 - which, I assume, will make me the scrappy underdog favorite in 2018.)

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Jeff says that I haven’t seen the sun in three days, and tomorrow I absolutely must leave the house.  But Jeff, the snow and the lethargy and the warm cozy robe!  Does going to the mailbox count?  And if so, can I wear my robe to the mailbox? 

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Jeff says that in the current economic climate, I can’t reasonably imagine that my best friend and I will actually be hired as writers by the same high-profile magazine and that we’ll get to work together everyday like besties should.  I say, why not?  It happened in 13 Going on 30, so it can happen to me!!

(Ooh, or I could be an architect: 11 Jobs Common Only in Romantic Comedies)

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Jeff says a scones-and-ice-cream sandwich is neither breakfast nor high tea.  First of all, Jeff, the scones have blueberries, and blueberries are breakfast.  Second, if you honestly expect me to buy that scones and ice cream are unacceptable at high tea, but scones and clotted cream are fine, you’re in for a disappointment! 

Shout out to Josie for the assist - holla! 

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Now that JSIC is back, Mary’s back too! And she has an appetite for academics:

John says I can’t reward myself with food every time I finish grading an assignment for my online course. Hey dude, two Cs and an B just scored me two bags of chips and a sleeve of Oreos! Come on students, Momma wants some Ben and Jerrys!

Hold on, I thought you could only reward yourself with Ben and Jerry’s after cleaning the garage. Luckily, now I know better - grading, here I come!

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Jeff says I can’t continue to entertain myself by fueling rumors that the Super Bowl was rigged.  Look, pal - defaming the Broncos through wild speculation is the most fun I have ever gotten out of football, and neither you nor anybody else can take that away from me! 

**Further proof, guys - http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/superbowl.asp - if Snopes says it’s false, then it has to be true!!!**

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Jeff says I can’t keep recommending depressing movies as Friday night entertainment for my unsuspecting friends.  But Jeff, what other genre besides the dark drama can plumb the depths of the human heart and rip our deepest, most wracking emotions from our breasts?? OH!  Wait, now I see what you’re saying. 

**This is for you, Ruth!  Sorry about 50/50!**

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